How did 15 months without you pass like life is just supposed to go on?
The days have turned to nights and many of those nights have been sleepless.
I have cried for you and have watched our little boy cry for you.
I have held him close in the middle of anywhere and everywhere and he sometimes has been the one holding me up.
We have screamed at each other and screamed at the clouds that dance across the sky like all is well.
We have both dreamed that you are within our reach only to turn around and you are gone.
I have lost weight and gained it back.
I have become more introverted; so much so that I bet you wouldn't even recognize my personality.
Conner has missed so much school, whether all day at home or working in the counselor's office, all because he misses you desperately...
he's afraid of what will happen to our farm...
he's scared to ever have a new man in our lives...
he is terrified I'll die too...
That's a pretty heavy load for a little boy's shoulders.
We have spent some days laughing, laughing until we cried.
We have built new relationships, made new friends, but unfortunately also lost a few.
We have seen the ugly side of others and felt anger at their terrible lies and slurs.
We have sat and told our favorite stories of you and have tried to forget anything negative we remember.
We have made plans and then broken them; our anxiety takes over often.
We have spent too much time at the cemetery and not enough time all at once.
We have relived December 29 and January 1 over and over and over and over..........
We miss you.
Desperately
Terribly
Constantly
Endlessly
15 months is too long without you.
I can't imagine how long the rest of forever will feel.
I had a sign made for our son that I'll give to him in your absence on his 12th birthday this May. He will cry. I will cry. But he will see every single day a reminder of your love. It is your handwriting. Your mark on our hearts. Forever.
NFAxI
#stillhis
Love,
Veronica
We love you and miss you Michael.
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