Every year my husband would spend the entire day before opening morning gathering things for the "big hunt" with Conner. He would dig through the hunting tubs while working on paperwork in his office. He would arrange it all on the floor or on the couches, one pile belonging to him and one to Conner. Mike would go buy all of the farm tags for all of us at once so that we were well prepared for regular rifle season also.
The night before, Mike and Conner would make a pallet in the living room floor, usually after we arrived home from trick-or-treating, depending on how it fell each year. They would fall asleep late, after a very exciting day, and wake early for a very exciting morning, anticipating the big kill.
When they would wake early, I would rise with them and make a thermos of black coffee for Mike and a small thermos of hot chocolate for Conner. I would pack a backpack full of snacks and toilet paper, the essentials of true hunters. ;)
I would take the traditional morning picture with the camo and hunter orange shining brightly. Sometimes they would smile, but sometimes they had to appear tough. I thought they were adorable either way. Conner and Mike would spend the day "hunting"...the reason I put quotation marks around it is because their definition of "hunting" and mine were often very different. Conner's "hunting" when he was young meant playing his Nintendo DS or his dad's phone and not playing a lick of attention until Mike would tell him a deer was approaching. Or, he would be wiggling around so much that they would just basically scare deer away from their blind. Either way it always made for wonderful memories for a father and son. And it made Mike swell with pride and he actually took a break from working just to hunt with his boy.
This year...things were different. The night before youth season, I spent time gathering Conner's hunting clothes and backpack. I made sure everything was out just like Mike would have done. I jammed his backpack full of snacks and toilet paper, drinks, and hand warmers. I gritted my teeth as I did all of this and when Conner's back was turned while talking to my dad about sighting in the rifles, I went outside for a meltdown to my mom. I sat and cried in sadness. It was nice that so many people had actually offered to take our son hunting and that warmed my heart every time I received one of the offers. But, in reality, it also broke my heart with every offer too. Mike isn't here to take his son hunting anymore and that was one thing they shared and loved beyond measure. And now my little boy has to miss his dad every deer season and it sucks. Plain and simple, it just sucks. So, I gathered myself and we sighted in rifles.
My dad took Conner youth hunting. And it was a success. Conner tagged a 14 point buck opening morning and was so excited! When he came back to the house after we field dressed and dragged the deer to the truck from the hollow, Conner hugged me and cried just a minute. I told him Daddy is proud all the way from Heaven and he was so excited to see his son get that big buck.
Conner got to experience something he had never experienced before later that morning: my dad took him parading through our small town with the big buck in the bed of the truck. My boy became a local celebrity. He was posted on Facebook by friends and by a local farm store, which was holding a Big Buck Contest for the youth hunters. It was really cool. Conner and my dad stopped about 5 or 6 places in town and showed the big horns off and told the story over and over again, I'm sure embellishing the details each time!
So then during the evening we went trick-or-treating because Conner had found his daddy's Marine Corps BDUs from 25 years ago. He was determined that he didn't care if he is 11, he was going to go as a Marine for his dad. I couldn't argue.
So, we went and let me tell you, my son was a local celebrity! Everywhere we went people were talking about Conner Hollis' big buck! They would walk over to us and congratulate him over and over again. People we hardly ever see or talk to were so kind to take notice of my boy last night. It was actually a very cool thing to experience and Conner truly didn't know what to think! He couldn't believe he was a local celebrity! It was awesome to see his face every time someone came up to say something to him and it made me swell with pride. And you know what? My son stayed humble through it all! He never once said, "I know!" He sweetly smiled, shook his head and said thank you to everyone who commented. It was such a great moment.
But even in all the glory of his big kill and celebrity status, I couldn't help but feel eyes on me all the time. People look at us differently now. They look with pity and concern. They wonder how we're doing and many of them ask. They smile and nod when they don't know what to say, and I don't blame them as I try to avoid eye contact with as many people as possible. But they are all so supportive of us. This whole community has reached out to us in so many ways these past 10 months that I am grateful and humbled every day. And last night when they reached out to my son to congratulate him and ask to hear the story, my heart overflowed and tears welled in my eyes each time.
I am proud of my son. I am proud of my dad for taking Conner hunting and parading him around town like he was a war hero. I am proud of my husband for all the years he took Conner and taught him the value of hunting and harvesting meat to provide food for his family. I am proud of our community, of our friends and family, and of acquaintances. God is with us every day.
What others say and do mean the world to us. We still get phone calls and texts just checking on us. We get offers of all kinds to take us hunting, gigging, or just to distract us with dinners out, or whatever other activity people can think of to offer. It's amazing.
So, this post is for all of you who have called, texted, or spoke to us in town. Thank you. Your thoughts, your prayers, your concern, and your words will never go unnoticed. They will never go unappreciated. Please know that.
So, baby...I hope you were able to see all of the awesomeness that yesterday brought between the youth hunt and Halloween. Your boy sure made us proud, didn't he baby? I love you and miss you more than any words could say.
I will see you one day and we will walk hand in hand again, watching our boy smile and laugh and play and all the worry in his eyes and the sadness in his heart will be gone forever. Until then...I'll be yours forever.
I love you...NFAxI...
#stillhis
Love,
Veronica
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