Boy, do I have lots to say tonight. Thank God He has a hold of my tongue and I will try to "vent" in the most Christian of ways possible.
There are some snakes in the grass during widowhood and I have HAD MY FILL of them all.
I want to ask you a few questions and I really want you to consider the questions a while. Think from MY perspective...a WIDOW'S perspective...a SOLO MOM'S perspective.
How evil can someone be to try and cause harm to a widow and her son? I mean, it really takes moxie to try daily to cause harm to another person. It takes even more moxie to do so to a woman who is trying her best to keep her head above water, between the depths of grief and the depths of debt left on her shoulders. And I don't mean physical harm; I mean financial, emotional, whatever. I guess that grief is supposed to end pretty quickly and no one should ever consider the utter sadness still being felt. I mean, we should be over it by now, right? Wrong.
How about someone's lowness to stand on the sidelines only to watch and "tattle" when they think something "fishy" is going on? I love how some people think they know my son's and my business and are not the kind of neighbors I would ever want in my life. Poke a bear. Fuel a fire. Whatever idiom you want to use, some people do this all the time just to send someone my way who will cause me trouble. And why? What is gained? Is this really the Christian way? Is this really what God is leading you to do? Ummm...no...it isn't.
How cruel can someone be to simply "forget" that my son exists? Forget to actually SHOW UP for him? Forget to call and talk with him about his day, his week, his MONTHS since the last time?
How about forgetting that Conner has NO male influence in his life and might need one and that you should actually step up to the plate and BE A MAN???? Or how about not forgetting...just NOT DOING. Plainly remembering and offering HOPE to Coner, but never following through. Conner and I have heard WAY TOO MANY empty promises the last almost two years. Way too many.
But here is the deal.
No matter how much they try...no matter how much they love to see my suffering and my son's suffering...their game is nothing compared to God's game. HE has game; they don't. I am guessing that I am not the first widow to experience this kind of behavior from outsiders. It makes us fighting mad. It makes us angry beyond all measure of the word; it makes us want to shed the wrath of widowhood upon all of them. I cannot tell you how many times I have ALMOST picked up the phone, dialed a few numbers I have and let loose. But what will that accomplish? Nothing but putting myself as low as they are. And I shan't do that. Here is what I will do instead: pray.
I have had a beautiful day with my son and his friend Evan. I had a beautiful day with my sister, niece, and her boyfriend yesterday. My life is beautiful even with all its scars and pain. I have prayed many thanks to God for these kind of beautiful days for my family.
My life is filled with plenty of people who DO love us and would never cause us harm or say mean and hurtful things. I am blessed with co-workers and staff who appreciate my efforts on a daily basis and who respect me for those efforts. I thank God for the job opportunity I was blessed with after Mike passed away. I am blessed with friends who text me every so often just to say hi and they hope I'm doing well. I am blessed with prayers from all across the community.
I am blessed with treasures above all treasures: a son who makes up the best parts of Mike and me and forgiveness from my Father. And trust me, I have needed plenty of forgiveness my whole life, but an exponentially greater amount since widowhood began.
I have a home that I love, but even if I did not have this home anymore, I will always have HOME because wherever my son and I are...that is HOME.
My mother-in-law has told me from the beginning of losing Mike that, "No weapon formed against you shall prosper, Veronica, that is in The Bible and I believe it." She has been praying that for me since we learned I was going to have to battle for anything because Mike didn't have much of our property titled properly. I have been in probate court more times than I can count and I am STILL battling.
God has held my shoulders up all these months. Some days honest to goodness, I am barely standing. I am not saying that to receive sympathy...I don't want it.
I DO want empathy...understanding...patience...love...support...prayers...kindness...time for my son...time for me...dinner together...movie nights...texts to lift my spirits...offers that actually turn to action...no more empty promises...scriptures of encouragement...more prayers...help with things I don't want to ask for, like yard work (sorry Amy that your husband is always chosen for this task...;)...space...time...more prayers...
So, they can go ahead with their evil plots. What will be will be. I lost my husband, my best friend, the love of my life. My son lost his dad, his hero above all heroes, the man he actually CHOSE to be with whenever he had the chance. What more can they do to us; what more can we lose? Whatever it may be will not tear us down. We have stood in the depths of hell on Earth and are still on the fringes of it on any given day. So, bring it. God's game is strong. No weapon they have will prosper against me or my son.
Keep loving, people. Love all that you can while you can. Spread love and kindness and grace.
I am probably burning some bridges with this post. I should have set them on fire a long time ago.
I'm a widower who just passed his 3 year mark.
ReplyDeleteNo one has ever said anything to me concerning the loss of my partner that I would consider evil; they've just said stupid things, now and again.
Of course, my case is a little different, as it was only her and me.
Seems the only ones who don't say stupid things are those who have gone through the loss themselves. They're the only ones who truly understand.
I guess that's just the way it is.
~Manfred
http://knightsfeather.blogspot.com/