Today's Update...

I just had to share a little something about today. Conner has been struggling terribly with school. He literally always has. From two and a half he hated leaving my side. Didn't matter if it was to go to daycare, then head start, then preschool, so on and so on. Well, sixth grade is no different. He gets himself worked up and usually vomits, then SOMETIMES goes on to class and sometimes can't handle the anxiety and spends the day in the nurse's office or goes home. 

The change in school districts has not helped the situation. We have struggled, fought tooth and nail, met with our school counselor, and taken other measures to try to get Conner to be ok with leaving me for the day and going to school. I have no clue why he has ALWAYS had separation anxiety BUT now I know it's because of his huge fear of losing me too. So...the start to this school year has been rocky to say the least. 

Today two incredible things happened. Conner did vomit in my office trash can for the millionth time it seems, but he recovered and went to school all day. And the first Incredible thing was allowed to happen. When Conner got to me after school he was smiling and holding a large envelope. Inside the envelope was an invitation to join Junior Beta Club! I was so proud and excited and immediately thought of how happy daddy would be. I mean, yay Conner!!!! He was proud and humble all at once, which was awesome to witness! He was apprehensive at first, of course because meetings will require him to be away from me for a little longer than usual, but I convinced him that I will be right there in my office waiting at the end of every one. So, that was awesome moment number 1.

Now, incredible event number 2 had us both in tears. 

Conner and I are both very musical. I have always been and was so much so when younger that my sister became annoyed with my singing on a daily basis. I love to dance but don't get to often. This also tends to annoy people I'm sure. But dancing is awesome! A couple of years ago my little boy promised me that at random intervals in our normal, every day routines, he would slow dance with me. He has kept his promise several times over the past couple of years and I have loved every second of it. This evening our cows were out for the millionth time and I was having a "moment" if you will and Conner was in the house showering. He apparently had a "moment" too while I was trying to move the uncooperative cattle in my life. So, rough night. 

I was washing his thermos for tomorrow's lunch after giving up on the cows for the night and deciding to come inside when he walked up to me while a slow song played on his phone. "Momma, I have never gave up on my promise." (Grammatically incorrect and all...LOVE it!) He grabbed me by the hand and made me turn to face him and slow dance. He told me, "I've been kind of having a rough night while you were trying to move cows." I said, "I know buddy...me too." 

Then...the moment happened. Drinking Class, Mike's song, came on and we both stopped mid step and began sobbing and smiling all at once. I said, "listen bubba...its daddy telling us he's with us right now in this very moment in our kitchen watching us slow dance! Oh my gosh! I know he is, Conner!" I held my little boy close and let him cry into my chest and I kissed his head and held him so tight my knuckles were white. He squeezed me back and we danced slowly until daddy's song ended. 

My husband sends me that song every single time I need him to. And it makes me smile and nod and say, "ok baby...I gotcha. I know...you're here. But I miss you still. I love you and thank you for coming to me." It's amazing. 

Even from Heaven my husband is watching us and wrapping his arms around us whenever he can. And I don't care what anyone else says or thinks...it is true. God and Mike are working together when Conner and I need them the most. 

I'm glad we got to slow dance to your song tonight baby. I'll dance with you forever.

I love you and miss you NFAxI...

#stillhis

Love,

Veronica